Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sick Bear

While we are proud runners there are times when we are not so proud. It's when your pace starts to fall off and then you feel the rumble from your tummy. Oh's time for a potty break...and not the kind that can be discretely performed while on the lookout for farmers with shotguns or passing cars. It's the kind best saved for home and Runner's World magazine.

There are a few "code terms" my running friends and I like to incorporate when speaking freely in public. The fist is "16" referring to the 16th letter of the alphabet...I'll wait...see, cute. Going 16 is not as tricky as it's bigger brother.

The second term is "Sick Bear" as in "Wow, I was running and came across something that must have been left by a "sick bear."
When I was running in China I even used the term "Sick Panda" to be geographically sensitive.

The more frequent you run and the longer you run you will eventually find yourself hiding as best one can and doing something you would rather do at home with proper amenities...and I don't mean soap (but that would be nice too). Here's a few tips:

1. 16 first or you could make a real mess by peeing into the back of your shorts.
2. Wait until the last possible moment. It's quicker and the feeling of desperation helps with Catholic Guilt.
3. Stomp on the high grass before squatting or you might get a little tickle or surprise. I once started getting into my stance only to see a snake between my feet! When I backed up to get away I almost tripped over a duck. I was scared sh*tless and saved a duck from being attacked by a snake. Not really a win-win for me.
4. Just accept it as being part of an elite group. You run long enough and frequent enough to need this type of break. Good for you!
5. Before taking a stab at local vegetation for help in the cleaning process you better know your plants.

Of course we can't always run in the woods free from sight. Sometime we are in a neighborhood or busier section of town. What do you do then? Go where the graffiti is! This is usually somewhere off the beaten path and out of site most times-not always.

Like I said, I'm not proud but I am a runner and I'm not stopping.

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